


after purgatory

by feelsforever



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Case Fic, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Denial of Feelings, Destiel - Freeform, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Ghost Posession, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Grace, M/M, Oblivious Castiel, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Dean Winchester, Pining Dean, Sam Ships It, Season 8, Stubborn Dean, Supportive Sam, Worried Dean, no personal spsce
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-15 11:55:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3446246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feelsforever/pseuds/feelsforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hellooo fellow fangirls and fanboys!!</p>
<p>This fic is baced on the very begining of season eight. Dean has just come back from purgatory and found out that Sam didn't look for him. He's furious but they have a job to do. Along the way, Dean starts seeing Cas everywhere he goes but he's the only one that can. Is he going mad? Of course, Sammy won't accept that he just misses the angel because after all, why would he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back with a vengence

My hands were shaking, palms sweaty and my heart felt like it was about to beat right out of my chest. I had to do something. I had to get closer to him; to my angel. Wait, my angel? No. what was I thinking? What’s going on? This isn’t me. I’m not gay - right? 

I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face. I couldn’t take this much more. A few days ago, I could have sworn I saw him walking down the street in that old tan trench coat and those beautiful blue eyes. No. Stop it. I sighed and flung my legs over the side of the bed. I looked over and saw that Sam was still asleep in the bed next to mine; completely oblivious to my inner battle.

It had been almost a month now since I came back from purgatory and I was going crazy with guilt. It was my fault. Mine. If I had only tried that little bit harder; if I had only done something different, then Cas would be here by now with me. 

I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was just locked in this loop of flashbacks; reliving each moment of my time in purgatory; reliving my mistakes. The defeated look in Castiel’s eyes right before I left him still haunted me. It was like he knew something I didn’t.

Beside me, I heard the slight groaning of mattress springs and knew Sam was awake. I didn’t move. I felt my bed dip slightly as he came to sit beside me, resting a comforting hand on my shoulder and I turned away from him. He knew I wasn’t feeling the same but I couldn’t face him. I just couldn’t. He’d see the tears that were glistening in my eyes, threatening to spill over.

“Dean, I -” I shrugged off his hand and sighed. I didn’t need this now. I didn’t need his sympathy; I needed my best friend back.

I heaved in a deep breath and made my way silently over to the bathroom in my usual casual way. I was trying to act natural. I was dying inside but my brother didn’t have to know that. 

When I emerged a few minutes later in my cheap business suit, my eyes were clear and I could breathe easier.

“Let’s go,” I said, grabbing my keys and slipping them into my pocket before heading for the door.

“What? Where?” He asked, turning to face me. 

“Breakfast.” I said rubbing my hands together cheerily. 

He gave me a look of concern but said nothing as he followed silently to the car and got in beside me.

We arrived at a diner just about half an hour later. I ordered a bacon burger and Sammy got a stack of pancakes and maple syrup. The waitress was pretty. The kind of girl that I would usually go for: blonde, long eye lashes, big breasts and an even bigger ego, but I didn’t care. She gave me a look that I knew to mean ‘I want you’ but I just turned away. How could I think about that now when so much crap was going on in my life?

Not only was I worried about Cas but I found out that Sam had just abandoned the job when I went to purgatory. He abandoned me. He had always said that we wouldn’t look for each other and what was dead should stay dead. Hell, I had said that myself more times than I could count, but I never thought he would actually do it. I knew I was giving him a hard time about it; maybe more than I should but the honest to God truth was that I was jealous. I was taking my frustrations against the world out on him. He was just there so why the heck not? Even when I was with Lisa and Ben, I couldn’t tune myself out of the hunter life. Not really. But somehow he had. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me.

I shook out the newspaper we had picked up on the way and let my eyes scan through it in search for a job. Something to get my mind off of the way I had failed Cas or how many people will have died without us there to stop it. Kevin was our responsibility and we had somehow managed to fail him too. He could be dead for all we knew. 

Finally, my eyes fell upon a story as the waitress came back with a tray of food in her hands. I thanked her and dug into my burger. It could be nothing but it was at least worth taking a look. I slid the paper over to Sammy and tapped at the page where the story was displayed. He read the headline aloud.

“’Man gets crushed under car.’ I don’t know man. Do you think it could be our kind of thing?”

I shrugged. “Could be,” I said, taking a sip of my coffee. 

He seemed to accept my answer and continued to read the rest of the article in silence as he ate.

It turned out that the same kind of thing had happened a few days earlier to a woman in the house down the street. It looked like an everyday accident, but what kind of freakish accident could happen to two different people in the same week? The police were saying that it was an accident after finding no signs of a struggle. It could have been a vengeful spirit; or maybe a cursed object. Whatever it was, we had to check it out.


	2. Something wicked this way comes

Once we had finished, I threw a twenty on the table and made my way over to Baby. We drove in near silence for a couple of miles until Sam seemed to finally snap. I knew that he wanted to talk to me about what happened in purgatory. I had managed to brush him off so far but I couldn’t keep it up forever. 

“Dean. Dean, talk to me! You’ve been acting weird ever since you got back. What happened back there?”

“Oh, so now you wanna talk, huh? Alright let’s talk. Let’s talk about how you just dropped me and just went off doing God only knows what for a year. What was it? A girl?"

He turned away from me and looked out the window. I didn’t need a reply. I had looked after that kid since I was four years old. I knew when he didn’t want to admit something to me.

“You didn’t bother even looking for me over – a girl? I’m your brother Sam! What ever happened to loyalty?”

“I’m sorry Dean. You were gone, okay? Cas wasn’t answering me and I just… I needed some time.”

Cas. Of course Cas wasn’t answering. He was still stuck in that hell whole. I huffed and turned my eyes back to the road. My brother must have assumed I was angry about what he did – or in this Case, didn’t do – which, of course, I still was.

“What did you expect me to do Dean? Sell my soul? Mope around for a year? What?"

“I expected you to at least make an effort, Sam. I expected you to at least try to get me back!” I said, looking at him now. I saw him physically wince at my words but I didn’t care.

“Was she worth it? Was she?”

“Dean.” He sighed but didn’t put up any more of a fight. I think he knew it was pointless. I hit my hand on the steering wheel in frustration and pushed my foot further down on the gas pedal. If I was going to have to spend the whole journey next to him, I wanted it to be as short as possible.

We made the rest of the journey in a tense silence. We would have talked but there was nothing left to say. 

When we arrived in the street where it happened a few hours later, we noticed the house opposite was taped off and a squad car parked outside. We got out the car and showed the officer at the side of the tape our FBI badges and were escorted into the garage where it had happened.

“So, FBI huh? Didn’t think the feds would be interested in this. Seems like a pretty open and shut Case to me,” the man said and I shrugged.

“I don’t know. We just go where they tell us."

He nodded in acceptance and kept walking in the direction of the body.

A woman stood off to the side, tears running down her cheeks and her arms wrapped around herself. The wife, I guessed. Some old guy in an expensive looking monkey suit had just left her to talk to his colleague. I nudged Sam and nodded in her direction. He walked over to ask her a few questions of his own. He was always better at getting people to talk; especially when they were upset.

I walked over to where the body was and examined it. There was a lot of blood and I do mean a lot. The guy still had the pair of sharpened gardening shears sticking out of his gut. He was laid face up, his full body weight pushing him further down the set of blades. Suicide was definitely out, that was for sure - and there were no traces of Sulphur anywhere - not that I was expecting to find any. It wasn’t the sort of thing demons did. They were more the type to kill someone, good and bloody, then watch with a bag of popcorn as they bled out. I looked around the body for a few more minutes, looking for any obvious signs of anything supernatural but came up empty; until I checked behind the toolbox that is.

I hung around for my brother to finish up talking to the vic’s wife. He noticed me standing there and excused himself politely.

“Witches? Are you sure?” He asked as we walked back to my car.

“No Sam, I thought I’d just say that for kicks. Of course I’m sure man! There was a freaking hex bag in their house. What else could it be?” I said, holding it out for him to see before throwing it up into the air and catching it again.

“I don’t know Dean. They seemed like your normal, everyday family. Nothing weird happened in their past. No business deals gone wrong. No heated arguments. Nothing. I just don’t understand how this could happen."

"What am I? Freaking psychic? I don’t know alright. I’m just telling you what I saw. Besides, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. People lie, Sam."

He sighed.

We got back into the impala and Sam fired up his laptop and brought up the news articles for all three victims again and together we slowly started to get a grip on this coven’s MO. All of the targets seemed to live perfect lives with their perfect families and perfect jobs. In fact, that seemed to be all that connected them apart from the fact that they all lived close by.

“But who is it?”

“I think we can rule out the wife. Mrs. Miller seemed broken up over her husband’s death.”

“Hmm…” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “Maybe.” 

“Well don’t you?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t think we should rule anyone out yet. Not until we know more of what’s going on here."

Sam thought for a moment before nodding in agreement and suggesting that we should scope out the neighborhood.


	3. Unnecessary unease

We first went to the house of the woman in the paper a few days ago. Her young daughter answered the door and called for her dad straight away before running half way up the stairs and watching us from behind the wooden handrail.

“Good afternoon Mr Walker,” I smiled, “I wonder if I could ask you a few questions about your wife’s death."

The guy seemed edgy, nervous even; like he had something to hide or maybe someone to hide from. He was almost completely obscured behind the door. His eyes would occasionally flick off to the side as if watching out for someone. Clearly, something was up.

“I’m gonna need to see some ID,” he said.

“Of course,” Sam replied and we both held out our fake ID badges for him to see.

The man in jeans and blue button down shirt sighed. He seemed to relax a little and slowly opened the door wide enough to let us through and gestured inside with his head. We followed him through to the living room where he offered us a seat. Mr Walker sat down in the armchair opposite us and hunched over with his hands between his legs and his shoulders arched forward.

“What you wanna talk to me for? I ain’t done nothin’. ” 

“We just have a few routine questions to ask sir,” Sam comforted, glancing sidelong to gage my reaction.

I knew he had just lost his wife but come on! The guy was acting weird by anyone’s standards. He clearly knew something but we had to be careful. If we probed too much, he would shut down completely. We were barely getting anything out of him as it was and we hadn’t even asked our first question yet. This was going to be fun...

I shuffled forward in my seat a little, making him look me in the eye. “Did Mrs. Walker-“

“Dayna.” He corrected.

“Right, sorry. Did Dayna have anyone who might have held a grudge against her? Anyone that might want to cause her harm?"

“You think this was a murder? You think someone killed my Dayna?”

“I’m sorry sir. But we can’t rule anything out at this stage.” Sam said and he nodded slowly, lowering himself back into his chair. 

“There might have been something. No. No it can’t be. She would never do that…” He muttered to himself. 

“Who wouldn’t?” I prompted.

“Huh? Oh uh, our neighbour, Jenny. Jenny Ranger. She and Dayn had this big bust up a couple a’ days ago. Both said some nasty stuff, you know how it is. Never liked that woman. She’s messed up. In ‘ere,” he said tapping his head with his finger a few times before letting his eyes fall to the floor with a little sigh and shaking his head a little. “Only moved in a couple a’ weeks ago, she did. Got real cosy with a lot of people real quick. Maybe too quick… ”

Sam leaned forward in his chair and asked him what he meant by that. He didn’t reply straight away. He just sat there, head in hands and eyes cast downward. I didn’t think he would answer at all until he looked up and saw Sammy’s puppy eyes. No one could resist those damn puppy eyes. At least that’s what we were counting on.

He sighed and continued talking. Yes! I glanced back at my bother and gave him a quick smirk before turning back to David Walker.

“I dunno. I guess she just rubbed me up the wrong way. She always had this look about her. Y’know? Like you wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of her.”

Sam nodded and I asked him if he knew the other vics. He did. Jackpot! Apparently they lived in a pretty tight-knit community. Everyone knew everyone. That was good news as well as bad. Good news was that the targets all had connections with each other as well as our suspect. The bad news was that so did everyone else in this damn town. It could be anyone’s time. It seemed that this woman was very easily upset. If anyone did anything, it was lights out for them. Perfect.

I left Sam to continue talking to David whilst I scoped out the rest of the house. I wasn’t surprised when I found another hex bag tucked behind an old bin in the corner of the kitchen where the woman ‘accidentally’ severed a major artery when she was making dinner. I walked back in to the family room where Sam was sat, still talking to Mr Walker. I held out the little bag of fun for Sam to see over the man’s shoulder. He glanced at me and gave me a significant look before turning his attention back to him.

“I think we have all the information we need for the time being. Thank you. We’ll be in touch if we think of anything else that could help with our investigation,” he said in his ‘professional’ voice and we left.

This was serious. We had to go in there, guns blazing and gank that bitch before she could do any more damage around here, if it really was her that is. We had nothing to go on apart from some paranoid guy who’s saying that he had a bad feeling about one of his wife’s friends. We needed more intel.


	4. Death by car

The second case was next; the reason we had come all the way Brocton, Illinois.

Mark Ellis had apparently been working on his car when the jack collapsed from underneath itself and crushed the poor guy under it. He apparently lived with his boyfriend and their dog. My eyebrows shot up at hearing that. It wasn’t that I was against that sort of thing exactly. It just caught me by surprise. Especially in a town as religious as this was.

According to the paper, he was really shaken up about it. He had come back to the house after work and found his lover being crushed by the weight of his truck. I could barely even imagine what that must feel like. In this life, you just come to expect terrible things to happen. It didn't make it any less painful but at least you learned to prepare for the worst.

You avoid getting close to anyone in case they were hurt and you just couldn’t deal with it. Or at least that’s what I did. I’d give anything to have a normal, Apple pie life like that; to be able to let people in like that; to be able to love like that and be loved. That just isn’t the kind of life I was supposed to have I guess. Yeah, it hurts. It hurts more than I could ever tell, but that’s just how things go. That’s just my life.

While we were walking the few meters between the two houses, Sam and I talked about our suspicions. It turned out that he had the same thoughts as I had. We had to talk to this woman, Jenny. Get our view on her. Maybe David Walker was onto something after all. And even if it wasn’t her, maybe she could give us an idea of who could be responsible for all this. 

My steps suddenly faltered and I swear my heart stopped beating for a good thirty seconds before more than making up for lost time and going into overdrive.

Was that… Cas?

I could have sworn I had just seen the angel making his way along the sidewalk in the other direction. Sam noticed the change in me and put his hand on my shoulder to stop me. 

“Dean? What happened? Are you alright?” he asked, searching my eyes for any clues.

“Cas,” I breathed in a voice barely above a whisper, whipping around as fast as my still dazed mind would let me. I saw Sam’s lips turn up into a knowing smirk but I ignored him, repressing the urge to roll my eyes. I wasn’t in the mood.

I waited for some smart ass one-liner to come or a comment about how I hadn’t reacted like that when I saw him but, thankfully, it never came. Besides, that was different. Sam always came back.

He just looked at me, his smile slowly fading into concern although there was still the bemused glint in his eye.

It wasn’t like that. I was just happy to see him. Cas was like a brother to me and I missed him. There was no denying that I had worried about the guy but that was totally natural. I mean, he was in purgatory! Of course I worried about the guy. Why was it that every time I thought I had seen him, no one else did. I wasn’t imagining him! But then again, I couldn’t see him anymore. Maybe it had just been my imagination...

“Come on,” I said clearing my throat and marching off in the direction of the house and determinedly avoiding eye contact.

Sam hung back and watched me with an amused expression before beginning to walk towards the house after me and knocking on the door. I didn’t turn around to face him but I could feel his eyes burning a whole into the back of my head. I could feel myself blushing lightly and hated myself for it. He would notice. He always notices.

I didn’t even understand why I was feeling like that. I had made an idiot of myself; that was all. It had to be.

I saw a woman watching us, or rather the house we were stood by with disgust before noticing me and disappearing off into her house, shutting the door behind her.

His partner, Ryan answered the door with red stains around his swollen eyes from crying and his short black hair was tousled as though he had just woken up and not bothered sorting it out. He would be attractive if he paid a little more attention to how he looked. He had this kind of simple attractiveness about him that seemed effortless. My bizarre attraction to him aside, if I had to describe him in one word, it would be ‘hopeless’. He was clearly taking his boyfriend’s death hard. I gave him a look that I hoped said compassion but not quite pity. No, I expect that he got enough of that already.

He took note of our FBI badges and gave a week smile, opening the door wider for us to enter but not enough for the fluffy mass that was his dog who was, at that moment trying to make a break for it. He wiped his nose on his sweater sleeve and walked on in behind us, ruffling the golden retriever’s ears.

After gesturing for us to sit down on one of the ridged kitchen chairs, he got up and poured a cup of coffee before thinking and offering us one too. We accepted and he set our cups on the round wooden table in front of us and sat down, cradling his coffee mug in his hands. The room was silent for a while as we all took a few small sips from our scolding hot drinks.

“So… what can I do for you fella’s?” he asked. “I already talked to the police. They didn’t think there was anything to go on."

“It’s just standard procedure,” I explained and he nodded.

“Did you notice anything weird before Mark’s death? Did he have any arguments with anyone? Any bad feelings?” asked Sam.

He sighed. “The family down the road."

“Well, what happened?” I asked.

“Some folks aren’t as accepting of people like me and him, y’know? Most everyone else seemed fine with it. I mean we’d sometimes get the odd look but we’d come to expect that. But the Ranger family were different. They’re the preachy type, y’know? The type of people that if they don’t agree with som’n will go on and on at yeh, expectin’ you to change."

“The Ranger family? As in… Jenny Ranger?”

“That’s the one. You’d think she owns the place the way she carried on,” he said, taking another sip of his coffee and wincing slightly. “You don’t see them comin’ round and payin’ their respects here, do yeh?” he asked. “They were straight round with the house down the road. Given’ them fresh baked pies and sympathy."

Sam and I exchanged looks. We defiantly had to go talk to Jenny. Soon.

“You didn’t happen to find anything like this did you?” I asked, taking one of the hex bags out of my pocket and showing it to him. I knew it was a long shot but I had to try. He took it from me and turned it slowly around in his fingers with fascination before handing it back. 

“Not around the house, no.” he answered slowly.

“But you have seen it.” Sam said.

“Somewhere. Not sure where though.” 

“Mind if we take a look?” I asked. When he shook his head I stood up and began scouring the house and Sam followed suit, going upstairs and searching the second floor whilst I checked down there. There was nothing in the kitchen or living room. Nothing in the bathroom, or in the hallway either.

“You could try the cabin out back…” Ryan offered when I had run out of rooms to search. “We had a few friends over last week to watch the game in the den. That’s what Mark calls – used to call it. Our 'den’. We have a big TV and home cinema in there. It’s pretty cool,” he explained and I nodded before gesturing for him to lead the way.

The ‘den’ turned out to be a huge cabin in their back yard. It probably had about three or four good sized rooms in and from the look of the outside, it was cosy and simple.

I had never been more wrong in my life.

The inside walls had been knocked down to make way for one big room. It was one big, amazing room.

“Whoa! You weren’t kidding about that TV were you?” I laughed, looking up at the screen that stretched from about a foot off the floor to the top of my head.

I was slowly beginning to realise that ‘cool’ didn’t even come close to describing this place. The TV was almost the size of a cinema screen! There was a comfy looking black L-shaped sofa at the back of the room that was overflowing with fluffy cream cushions. Next to that was a glass coffee table with a bowl of popcorn in the centre. I longed to sit in front of it and watch crap TV for hours on end. There were twenty or so speakers dotted all over the room and an X-box controller laying on one of the chairs but I couldn’t see the box.

I walked around the ‘den’, pressing buttons and pulling leavers, half expecting there to be a games cabinet rising up out of the floor. It didn’t but I wasn’t too far off. It had everything else you could want for a night in front of the TV or when friends came over. I was like a kid in a candy store. This place had everything! Everything except a hex bag apparently…

I grudgingly gave up after what must have been at least twenty minutes of pressing different buttons and watching as a spinning carousel of snacks emerged from a volt in the wall or drinks dispensers with fifty different things to choose from, or games consoles rising up seemingly from out of nowhere. It was incredible! It looked High-Tec without seeming too crammed in or cluttered. Everything was in its proper place and there was space for everything. It was so cool that I found myself hoping I would never find it just so that I could stay in there and play forever.

After a while, I still hadn’t found anything, Mark suggested that we go back into the house. I was disappointed but agreed even so, following him back inside.

We met up with Sammy in the kitchen after almost being tackled to the ground by the dog. ‘Bleu’, he called him. My brother had apparently, to my relief, found it at the back of a sock draw in their bedroom. We asked him a few more questions about his boyfriend’s death before we left. He seemed like your everyday nice guy. It turned out Mark'd made quite a name for himself in the marketing business and had used that money to build and fill their ‘den’.

When I told him about it as we left, Sam said it was a total waste of money and I hated to admit it but I could see where he was coming from. Sure it was cool. It was more than cool. But there were plenty of better things to spend all that cash on.

I noticed a few bills and letters on the table saying ‘final demand’ on my search around the kitchen. Surely they could have used the money for that. But damn I wanted one too. I wanted one so bad and I knew that, given the opportunity, I would do the exact same thing.


	5. Maybe he's right afterall...

It was about four thirty when we came out and I was, for the first time in almost a month, starving hungry. We headed off to a diner nearby to go over our next move and to grab a snack. I hadn’t had much of an appetite since I got back. I hadn’t had much interest for anything lately. I couldn’t understand why I was suddenly in a better now but I was glad to be feeling more like myself again. Sam seemed to realise this too as he jumped at the idea as soon as I suggested it.

On the short drive there, I couldn’t get the last couple out of my head. The pictures that were dotted around the house of the two of them all looked so happy, so natural; like you would expect in a relationship between a man and a woman. I had never really thought about it before, an actual relationship between two men or two women. I had experience with that kinky crap, not that I’d initiated of course, but never a proper relationship. It never occurred to me before but there really didn’t seem to be any difference, apart from the obvious. It seemed… nice.

A cloud of dirt flew up into the air as I pulled up in the parking lot and I shut off the ignition but stayed put for a moment. Sam watched me with uncertainty. I could tell that he was trying to figure out what to say without making me loose it again. I wanted to talk to him about what I was feeling. It was true. I had been acting different and I had been noticing guys more often; noticing Cas more often. I didn’t know why. I couldn’t explain it. This was all so new to me. What was going on?

“Sam, I…” 

I wanted to open up to someone, get a fresh perspective on it. I couldn’t explain what was going on with me so maybe someone else could. But Sam... I knew he would just snigger or make some stupid comment about it, tease me. It was frustrating. I needed to open up but I didn’t know who to. Sam was all I had just then. I had been feeling like this for a couple of years now, maybe more, I couldn’t be sure. What I did know was that I was only just starting to come to terms with it.

I sometimes found myself having to rationalise or reason that I was only noticing and that there was nothing to do with sexuality; at first, it really wasn’t. But now… now I was beginning to think otherwise. Now I was beginning to consider men attractive and it was more than just acknowledging the fact. This was all so new to me. I had never before even questioned it. I was straight and that was that, but now… I don’t even know. I couldn’t understand it.

I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face in frustration.

“Forget it,” I said before getting out of my car. Sam followed suit and I locked baby behind me before walking off in the direction of the diner. 

I ordered a slice of cherry pie and Sam got a salad (big shocker) and we fired up the laptop and made a search on the Ranger family. It looked like she could definitely be our witch. The family moved around a lot and it seemed that everywhere they went, a string of unfortunate accidents followed. Either they were incredibly unlucky or she was the problem. Whichever it was, we definitely had to go over there and take a look around now. Sam brought yet another case that happened when they were in town and gave me a significant look. 

That was nine moves and nine towns that had accidents like this in in the last four years. Something was definitely up. 

We finished our food. I took out my wallet and threw some money on the table before leaving to interview this Jenny Ranger.


	6. The Stepford life

The house was friendly and light. The smell of fresh white paint still lingered in the air and there was a few boxes still remaining unopened at the bottom of the stairs but that was the only signs that they had not long since moved in. Everything was in its correct place and it felt lived in; like a proper family lived there. There weren’t any indications of anything unpleasant that was going on there, although I suppose they never do.

The family seemed nice enough too; all polite and happy to help. They were almost too normal, too welcoming. There were three kids, one boy and two girls. They all looked around eight to thirteen and were perfectly turned out, not a hair out of place. We didn’t get to see much of them as they were ushered out into the garden to play almost as soon as we arrived and the back door shut firmly behind them.

“Terrible business, just terrible. Isn’t it dear?” The husband, placing a comforting hand on his wife’s back.

“Just awful,” she agreed, nodding slightly so that her blonde curls bounced gently on her shoulders.

I could see what David Walker was talking about. Beneath that polished facade, was a hint of… menace; like something just wasn’t quite right about her. The husband had it too. I couldn’t look them in the eye for too long. They reminded me of a younger version of those pagan gods that we dealt with the Christmas before I went to hell.

"Right, heh,” Sam said, turning to face me before looking back, “Terrible.” He agreed. “Could you tell us a little about the background of the three?"

“Well, we’ll sure try, but we haven’t been here for too long now.”

“We sure haven’t officers. I don’t know how much help we could really be to you two fine gentlemen."

I repressed a shudder and looked them in the eye, or as close to the eye as I could. There was something about them; something... unsettling. 

“Let’s start with Mark.” I said, gaging their reaction. Their smiles faltered and their faces turned dark before regaining their composure so fast that I almost thought I had imagined it. They didn’t seem half as enthusiastic to help now. They were not nearly as talkative and their faked smiles significantly less bright. For that at least, I was thankful.

The husband spoke after a few seconds of silence as if he was choosing his words carefully. “As we said, we don’t know much about the people here. We’ve only just got here ourselves.” There was a slight edge to his voice.

“Of course,” said Sam. “Just tell us as much as you can. We need to get an accurate profile on him,” he smiled.

The couple flashed another forced smile at us before glancing at each other and giving a cautious look before turning back to face us once more. I knew that Jenny recognised me from before. She must have known that I was on to her. I saw the way she had looked over at the house earlier.

“He seemed… fine,” she said slowly, carefully. 

“What’d you think of the relationship between him and Ryan?” Sam asked and raised his eyebrow almost challengingly.

They seemed caught off guard. “What- what do you mean?” she stuttered. 

“Well, did they seem happy together?”

“Oh, well I suppose so. As much as people like that can be I suppose.”

They both seemed visibly flustered but slightly relieved. It was clear that they thought they were off the hook or at least not hanging there quite so tightly. Jenny gave her husband a look that said ‘maybe he didn’t see after all’ before plastering on her polite smile again.

I nodded. 

“Mrs Ranger, have you ever seen one of these” I held out one of the hex bags “before now?"

Her bright smile faded to nothing. She looked panicked and afraid. She glanced at the back door to check up on her kids before turning back to us.

“What’s this about?” she said slowly. There was a haunted edge to her voice; as if she was genuinely scared to hear the answer.

“When we visited the houses of the victims, each of them contained a hex bag somewhere close by. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?"

“You can’t seriously think that I’m involved in this, can you?"

“Just answer the question Mrs Ranger,” said Sam seriously.

She looked between the two of us incredulously, her mouth gabbing open and closed every so often as if she was at loss for words. They were shifty and on edge now. Nothing like what they had been a few minutes ago.

I could practically hear the cogs in her brain working. She was definately in the loop but I was getting more and more sure that it wasn't her doing it. She looked terrified but I couldn't work out why. 

"Whatever it is, we can help," said Sam. "Believe me, Mrs Ranger. We aren't like other feds. We can help you, but you have to tell us what's going on." 

“I think we should speak somewhere more private.” She said after a while, peeping back to the garden before meeting our gaze once more.

We nodded slightly and were lead swiftly into the living area and the door shut firmly behind us. 

They sat down and lent inward as if we were playing a game of Chinese whispers and spoke in hushed tones.

“What’s going on?” Sam asked once we had all sat down. 

“It’s Ellie, our oldest.” Mr Ranger said. We think there’s something wrong with her.” He said, looking around.

It would be easy to say that they were blaming their innocent daughter for something they had done but you didn’t see the fear in their eyes and the urgency in their voices. There was definitely something wrong.

“She was always such a nice little girl. Never said a bad word, always listened to what we said."

“What happened?” I asked. 

"Well we don’t know. One day she was our little girl and then the next… she just wasn’t herself. It was all very sudden really."

“And you think that she’s responsible?”

“It’s… not the first time this has happened.” She said carefully.

“We found all these... things in her room,” He said, gesturing to the hex bag that was now lying on the table. “We thought it was just a phase but then she never grew out of it,” said the husband, shaking his head. He looked terrible.

Just then one of the kids came in and began leaning on the back of the sofa we were sitting on. Ellie, I presumed, going by the look of fright on their faces. 

“Well, thank you for your time. We’ll be in touch” said Sam with a significant look and we stood up to leave. We were clearly not going to get any more information out of them with her hanging around.

“So, ghost possession?” I asked when we were back in the car. 

Sam sighed. “Looks like. Either that or she got in with the wrong crowd. Maybe an adult she knew was practicing dark magic and decided to teach her the tools of the trade."

“Hmm” I said. “Yeah maybe. But how could that explain the sudden change in her? It'd be more gradual.”

Sam shrugged and we made our way back to the motel in silence as we thought. The only noise came from the low hum of baby’s engine or the sound of led zeplin's 'Traveling Riverside Blues' from the speakers.


	7. Witch Hunting.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heyy! Ok, so I'm finally able to post properly. I'll try to update every Friday but that may not work out...  
> Anyway, enjoy, I guess :)

We were gonna have to have ourselves a stakeout. If there was something going on with the kid, the best thing would be to see it for ourselves. 

We sat down at the crappie motel and got to work.

After only a few minutes we found what we were looking for. It turned out that the family had moved just before all this started to an extremely old church that had been converted into a house in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Apparently there had been witch burning nearby until the late seventeenth century. The records told of one them had made her killings look like accidents so she wouldn’t be found out. It hadn't worked out that way as she was burned at the stake at the age of just nineteen.

They found a talisman, a golden coin like object soon after with what looked like an inscription of a long dead language. ‘hoʊld ɔl paʊɚ wɪˈθɪn’ it said around the side. It turned out that it was Aramaic and it seemed to belong to her. It had been lost over time but there was a detailed picture of what it looked like on the website. 

Our best guess was that she had gotten hold of it when she was a kid and it had taken ownership of her mind and body. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* That night, we drove back to the house, loaded up with enough caffeine to keep a small army up and fighting. I was practically buzzing but if we were going to keep this up all night, we had to be awake. 

Luckily, the girl’s bedroom was on the right side of the house, which allowed us to see what she was doing. Although her curtains were drawn, the light was kept on and so we could easily make her out from my car. 

It looked like it was going to be a long, unrestful night for her too. She’d probably burn tracks into the floor the way she was traipsing up and down like that. It was beginning to make me dizzy just watching. 

Finally, at about half two, she stopped pacing and was looking at something, her fists clenched tightly at her side. She then knelt down and pulled a box from under her bed and began taking things out one by one, measuring them, and then putting whatever it was down beside her and making a grab for something else. Once she was satisfied with whatever she was doing, she slowly stood up, lit a candle and began, what looked like… chanting. Perfect.

We had definitely found our problem; that was for sure. But now we had to stop our very own ‘Sabrina’ before anyone else got hurt. I can’t deny, it was weird to see a fourteen year old kid doing witchy voodoo, but hey. I had seen some pretty weird things in my time. What was she in comparison? 

Both Sam and I got out the car and I felt the familiar rush of adrenaline and fear. We couldn’t give her enough time to put her handiwork into action. Who knew who could be next: another neighbour, her parents… us?

We beat our fists on the front door but when nobody answered, I nodded to my brother then stood well back. He got what I meant immediately and aimed a kick at the door, right next to the lock. It snapped and the door flung from its hinges, giving us access to the rest of the house.

From upstairs, we heard startled screams but we ignored them. 

I ran in front of my brother, down the long hallway and up a flight of steps. Ellie’s room was the first door on the left. I stood to the side and opened it and Sam sprung inside and I followed. 

As soon as she saw with me and Sam, her eyes widened in panic and she recoiled to the corner of the room. Sure, she was scared but we only had that advantage for a second before she was back up on her feet and running at us, a determined look in her blue eyes. 

I caught sight of some black goo that was leaking from her ear as I darted away from her outstretched arms.

Ectoplasm. 

Sam grabbed her before she could make a move to put us under any spells and I popped the lid from the salt, and poured it into her mouth and held her chin so that she couldn’t spit it out.

Her body began to tremble and her face was contorted in pain but after a few seconds, she stopped dead and collapsed back into Sam. When we looked up, there was a woman with matted black hair, wearing a cream bodice and a few layers of long linen skirt. Both her skin and clothes were singed in places from the fire that killed her. 

I hastily yelled at Sam to check the girl’s pockets for the gold coin before turning around to face the witch. The sooner we could destroy it, the better. 

He picked the girl up with ease and carried her into another room where she would be safe. 

The witch lunged at me and I tossed the container at her as it was all I had to hand right then and salt spilled all over the room. She screeched in pain and vanished for long enough for me to stoop down and grab my shot gun. When she returned I managed a shot but missed and the gun was propelled across the room and myself to the other end. I was forced against the wall so hard that I heard my scull crack against it. I could feel my insides being compressed together and I could barely breathe. Sam was running to help, stooping down and grabbing a shotgun from the duffel bag and aiming it at our ghost. She turned and shrieked in anger as a round of rock salt was pumped into her chest.

The girl disintegrated almost immediately but it wouldn’t last long. 

“Did you find it?”

Sam shook his head no. 

I sighed. “Well, it’s gotta be on the kid. Or at least close by. She couldn’t have possessed her if not. Find it Sammy.”

Just then, the ghost reappeared with a vengeance. She looked, if possible, madder than ever. Her ratty brown hair was blowing backwards and her face looked like an old pottery, discoloured, cracking and chipped in places. Her eyes were practically glowing white as she came charging at us as if propelled on wheels. I flung myself out of the way and when I turned around, I saw that my brother had done the same in the other direction and was quickly clambering to his feet. I grabbed a shotgun and fired a shot again. She recoiled, giving Sam enough time to get to his feet and out of there, leaving me to deal with the wicked witch of Wisconsin, and boy was she angry. 

She lunged at me but I managed to jump out of the way before she could make a grab. I gripped the iron fire poker from the floor and struck it clean through that son of a bitch’s stomach. She vanished again and I heard my brother yell in delight.

I guessed that he found what we were looking for and called for him to hurry up as the ghost was back and now had me pinned against a set of pink drawers by both arms and was screeching manically in my face. I turned my head away and tried to wrench myself free but damn she was strong for a four hundred year old witch. 

She let go of one of my wrists but shifted her position so that I still couldn’t escape. Her elongated, dagger-like nails were branched out, just above my scalp. What was Sam doing? She was going to gouge my eyes out if he didn’t burn that damn thing soon. 

She pushed me further back with a sharp jolt to stop me form wriggling free and my vision went white with pain and I cried out. My back. Something was wrong with my back. I could barely move. every little twinge sent flaming sparks of pain shooting up and down my spine.

“Sam!” I yelled. 

Here it came. Her hand came slashing through the air in a blur of colour.

Not a second too soon, her hand faltered mid-air and her eyes widened in fear. She looked down at her stomach in a state of panic and I followed suit. She was quickly burning from the inside in a flash of orange flames and black smoke. Sam had done it.

My shirt was now covered in ash and what looked like black slime. Ugh, I hated when that happened. I opened my eyes and coughed witch dust from my lungs. Sam rushed back into the room as I was slowly getting back to my feet, wincing as each movement pulled and stretched at my wounded back. He gave me a concerned look and I nodded with a clenched jaw. She had been holding me against the cabinet with such force that the wood had actually cut into my lower back through my shirt and caused some major damage but I figured it’d heal pretty quickly. Nothing was broken, at least. 

Sam led the way into the master bedroom where Jenny Ranger was leaning over her daughter, shaking her lightly and calling her name. The husband stood off to the side of the room, not moving with a blank, shell-shocked expression. They both looked up as we entered and Jenny gave us a small smile. They no longer struck me as the unhinged serial killers any more. They looked normal. Or at least as normal as anyone could be in that situation. A fire that I assumed contained the golden trinket was crackling in the garbage can at the corner of the room and Mr Range was staring fixatedly at it as though he couldn’t get to grips with what just happened. 

I wiped the gunk from my face with my upper arm and leaned against the doorframe so not to fall over. Sam hovered by the door awkwardly. 

They were still shook up and terrified but they looked hesitantly relieved, like they weren’t quite ready to believe it all. It was going to be a long time before that family got back into a natural routine to say the least but I was pretty sure they could do it.

Ellie had missed out on four years of her life. And her family… they had a lot to come to terms with. Not only were witches and ghosts real now, but they had just found out that they had one for a sister or a daughter… that’s gotta be tough. 

“Thank you,” she sniffled before turning her attention back to her lifeless daughter who was resting in her arms.

We both gave them sympathetic smiles before turning and leaving the family to talk it all out. God knows they needed it.


	8. Music: food for the soul

Back in the car, we were compelled into silence by the sheer effort of keeping our eyes open for longer than a few seconds without our heads drooping. After a little argument, I sighed, threw Sam the keys and got in the other side. I wasn’t in the mood to argue now. My head was throbbing violently and I felt like I was going to pass out if I didn’t get sat down soon. 

The drive was quiet. We were both too drained to make conversation and so we just listened to some 80’s rock station we found on the radio. Blue oyster cult’s ‘burnin for you’ was playing. It was a song that I vaguely recognised but couldn’t think where I’d heard it. Listening, I couldn’t help but relate to the lyrics. I couldn’t help but think of Cas. I hated it. This was getting out of control fast. I wished things would just get back to normal; that I could get back to getting all the girls I wanted and Sam looking up to me like I was something real special. Things were getting far too complicated far too fast. 

I choked up a little on the chorus the first time it came on but managed to hide it behind a cough. Sam didn’t notice, or at least if he did, he didn’t say anything and kept his eyes on the road ahead. I could see him giving me sympathetic looks out of the corner of his eye every couple of miles but I didn’t bother bringing it up. What would I say if I did?

Aerosmith’s ‘angel’ came on next. Seriously? What‘s up with this frigging radio channel? I reached over slammed it off with a look of disgust. Sam gave me a side long glance but still said nothing. We made the rest of the drive in complete silence apart from the low purr of my baby’s engine. 

Why couldn’t he just come back to us? I needed peace of mind. He could be dying out there. Hell, he could be dead already and I wouldn’t be any wiser. What was worse, I was constantly seeing him. No, thinking I saw him. It wasn’t real. Either way, I would prefer it if it was all or nothing. Maybe I could get on with my life then but no. That’d be all too freaking painless. 

I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face. 

“Cas’ll be fine,” Sam said, guessing my thoughts accurately. 

I shook my head. 

“You didn’t see it man. It was horrible in there. We just couldn’t keep them away. They were everywhere. Leviathans, vampires everything. It was just endless. And now, he’s all alone out there. He’s as good as dead.”

I felt the car slow down and Sam pulled over at the side of the road. He turned to me, waiting for me to look him in his eyes before talking again.

“Dean. When have you ever known Cas to go down without a fight? Alright? Trust me, he’ll be fine. He’ll fight his way out like he always does. Don’t worry, we’ll see him soon. We will.”

He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I doubted it but gave him a weak smile anyway. There was a lump forming in my throat. 

“It was my fault,” I spat, hating the way my voice wavered. “If it wasn’t for me, he’d be here now. He’d be safe!”

A tear rolled down my cheek and I didn’t bother trying to hide it or wiping it away. I felt horrible but at the same time it felt good to finally get it out there. It was better than stowing it all up until I finally lost it but I knew that Sam wouldn’t accept that. He wouldn’t accept that I had managed to let my life fall to crap so much that everyone else was getting hurt as a result. 

Sam was looking at me with a mix of concern and…anger? 

“How can you say that, Dean? You really believe it’s your fault? Do you really have that low opinion of yourself?”

“Well look around Sammy! I got out and he didn’t. What the hell do you think happened? I failed him Sam. Me.”

“Get over yourself Dean! You tried to get him out, right?”

“Well yeah, but-”

“But nothing! It wasn’t your fault. I don’t care that your pride got hurt. I don’t care that you think you did something wrong. You have got to stop blaming yourself. The only way you could have failed him was if you didn’t try. I know that. I bet Cas knows that. It’s about damn time you learned it too.”

I was stunned into silence. Sam seemed to accept my silence for acceptance and pulled off again.


	9. Is it all worth it?

That night, when I had finally managed to drift into sleep, I relived it all over again. There he was. Cas. I was half in half out the porthole, dragging him closer to me by the hand as hard as I could. But it wasn’t enough. The porthole was dragging me further backwards and I fought it with every fibre of my being. The blue flames were lashing at my bruised flesh but I didn’t care. I couldn’t. The only thing going through my mind was that if we were getting out, we were getting out together. 

I felt his fingers slipping between mine. “Hold on!”

“Dean.”

“I’ve got you. Hold on!” 

The ground was disappearing beneath me. With one last jolt, Cas was gone and there I was on the other side with Benny’s soul weighing heavily on my arm. It burned and ached but it was nothing when compared to the loss I felt over my angel. 

The last thing I saw was his wide, tear-filled eyes as he watched me leave. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”

I don’t know if he heard me or that he even cared if he had. 

I woke up in a cold sweat with my brother standing over me. I looked up into his eyes and he looked down on me, his face contorted in concern. It turned out that I had been thrashing and shouting in my sleep. It had woken him up so I guess I must’ve have been pretty loud. I didn’t have to explain because he already knew. It was written all over my face. 

I sat up, wiped my face with the back of my hand and sighed. I was still shaking slightly and my breath came out in short huffs. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I’m alright,” I said, trying to convince myself as much as him.

I lay back on my pillow and squeezed my eyes shut momentarily before opening them again and sighing. I was awake now. There was no way I was getting back to sleep after that. I was amazed that I had slept for that long. Now I was up, I couldn’t tune out the miserable weather that was beating down on the thin pain of glass that separated us from the outside world.

I glanced over to the alarm clock beside my bed and read the time. 5:45, it read. The sun was just raising its head. A faint red glow could be seen over the rooftops that were just about concealed by the poor excuse for curtains. It was the start of a new day. I knew better than to expect it to be any better than yesterday or the day before that. 

I sat up and flung my legs over the edge of the bed. Sam had lain back down, evidently hoping for a few extra hours. I stood up and wondered over to the window, drawing back the hangings. It was raining pretty heavily now and dark shadows cast skeletal eerie shapes across the room. The wind whipped through the trees. Thunder clapped and forks of lightning streaked the sky. For a split second, I could have sworn that I had seen the dirty trench coat clad figure of Castiel but I decided that it was just a shape in the trees as when I looked back not even a second later, it was gone. At least I thought it had. It turned out that he had simply teleported a few meters away as I spotted his silhouette again a couple of seconds later in the parking lot right across from our room and was making his way towards the reception. 

I turned around and yelled Sam’s name. He mumbled something about needing sleep and rolled onto his front, pulling a pillow over his head to block out the noise from the storm outside.

I turned back to the window and watched in amazement as he made his way inside, barely able to breathe. I couldn’t move. I stay fixed in the same position, waiting for the knock on the door to come or for him to zap himself here and stand right in front of me, watching but he never did. I waited a few more minutes. Maybe he had gotten lost or was having trouble with the receptionist but when, after ten or fifteen minutes he still hadn’t appeared, I allowed myself to slump onto my bed and hide my face in my hands. An hour passed and I still hadn’t seen nor heard anything of him. I allowed myself to believe that it was just my mind playing tricks. 

Soon, my brother began to stir.

We went down to the small and tightly packed cafeteria and grabbed the most appetising thing we could find. That wasn’t saying much for the food. Half of it looked like it hadn’t seen the light of day in years. There was bowls of slop, in varying shades of grey that vaguely resembled oatmeal, or plates holding things that looked more like thin slabs of coal then slices of toast. There was muffins too although I wouldn’t be surprised if they had been there since the dark ages. You could hardly tell where blueberries ended and cake began. When I was sure we had salvaged the best of a bad lot, we left to find a table. 

“You first,” Sam said, watching with disgust as the lumpy grey mush dribbled from his spoon. 

“What? Why me?” 

“”You’re shorter. It’ll be faster to take effect.” 

I sighed and brought my loaded spoon apprehensively up to my mouth. He was so gonna get it after this. I glanced up to Sam who was watching with amusement before clenching my eyes shut and shoving the ‘food’ into my mouth. 

“So? How is it?” he asked, trying to hold back his laughter. 

I swallowed definitively before throwing my napkin onto the table. “We’re going out.” 

His resolve faded to nothing and he threw his head back in laughter that consumed his whole body. I smiled at him. I hadn’t seen him laugh like that in a long time. It was almost worth putting that crap in my mouth. Almost.


	10. House rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry about the delay in chapter updates. I’ve got a new idea for another novel and have been laying out the plot and planning the characters. I have written 11 pages of it so far and will continue to write it alongside this in my free time. I should be back to one chapter a week now and posting on Fridays starting this week but that may not work out the way I want it to. Anyway, you deserve an explanation so this is me let you know what’s happening and why I haven’t been quite so forthcoming with chapters lately. So on with the fic, I guess…

On our way to a diner not too far out, I saw Castiel again. He was walking along the side of the road and I barely even glanced up. I knew better than to get my hopes up. Not again. It hadn’t been him any other time and he had no reason to believe anything would be different this time around. 

“Dean, stop!” 

I slammed my foot on the break and turned to see my brother’s astonished face with a murderous look. 

“Back there. Didn’t you see him?” 

I blinked in confusion before spinning and watching the angel making his way along the sidewalk in our direction. 

“Wait,” I said, turning back to him again. “You can see him too? Cas?”

“Well yeah, of course.”

I couldn’t help but smile as I shifted into reverse and pulled up right next to him. 

I suddenly felt breathless. There he was. Right in front of me after what felt like a lifetime of waiting; of worrying.

“Hey Cas,” I said, my mouth suddenly unreasonably dry. 

“Hello Dean.”

He hadn’t taken his eyes from me since we made eye contact in the rear-view mirror. There was a hint of a smile playing on his lips and he held my gaze for longer than humanely possible. Those damn blue eyes were freaking hypnotic. 

Sam cleared his throat from somewhere far away and I blinked myself into reality and looking down intently at my dash. 

“Sam,” he said glancing in his direction before letting his eyes drop back to me. I could feel the heat slowly rising up my neck and the short hairs at the back of my neck prickled. I glanced back up again and shuffled in my seat. Blood was throbbing through my ears and… other places. 

I cleared my throat uncomfortably and readjusted in my seat, telling him to get in the back and ignoring the inevitable smirk on my little brother’s face. 

When he complied and I was sure that he was comfortable and relatively ok, I turned the car around and headed back to the motel. I figured breakfast could wait.

Cas was filthy and in desperate need of a shower and maybe even a doctor. He looked like he hadn’t eaten or slept in days and he had a few deep but not too serious cuts just below his eye and a split lip. 

Whilst in that hellhole, he seemed to have forgotten every single one of my ‘rules’ but I let him off on the grounds of what he’d been through. Sam gave me a look every time I did or made a snide comment. 

1\. My car, my tunes.

“Come on Sam. He was in purgatory. Purgatory! I think we can let him off for changing the music. And besides, you know you like Sam Smith. Quit bellyaching.”

2\. Respect my car. You dare put your damn feet up; you can get out and walk.

“He’s just tired,” I justified with a shrug of my shoulders. “Give him a break.”

3\. Don’t touch my stuff

When we got back to the motel, Cas sat down on one of the chairs and started absently playing with the material of my leather jacket that I had left on the table in consideration of the now hot, sticky weather. Sam looked at him then back to me. I didn’t say anything to stop him. What was the harm? He couldn’t break it. And besides, it was kinda cute. Cute, and so very… human.

4\. If I’m tired, you leave me alone.

I was still exhausted after the stake out last night and I had only managed to get in a few hours before my nightmares roused me. I was not in the mood for doing anything, but of course, Cas needed my help.

Sam went and got him a bowl of water and a wash cloth. He was covered in filth and needed to get all the mud off him before his cuts turned nasty. Of course, being an angel, he had never had to worry about the cleanliness of his vessel and so looked down at the bowl of foamy water in confusion before meeting my eyes almost pleadingly.

I think there was something seriously up with his angel mojo. When I asked about earlier on today, he confirmed that it had been him but he wasn’t able to fly very far now. He seemed a little startled by the fact that I had even seen him but completely shut down when I asked him about it and so I didn’t press the issue.

I picked up the cloth and wrung it out, carefully sponging the mud from his face and neck, mindful of his cuts. He seemed to enjoy the feeling of my fingers delicately dragging over his flushed skin and sunk his head back onto his shoulder to give me better access to his throat. His eyes were closed, his dark eyelashes dusting his face and his lips parted. My hands faltered. I swallowed thickly. I felt the need to avert my eyes but I couldn’t. 

Our faces were so close that if I leant in just a little further, our noses would brush against each other. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. I wondered how he’d react to me reaching out and closing the gap between us. Would he lean back? Would he freeze? Would he lean in? Coil his fingers along the back of my neck then gently tilt my face up to his? No. this had to stop. 

Sam snorted and announced that he was going out for food and wouldn’t be back till later. I ignored him and carried on. Cas hadn’t said anything for a long time and I began to worry. He wouldn’t take his penetrating gaze from my eyes and his face was getting hotter by the second. I quickly dismissed it as the heat from the water. I couldn’t start thinking like that. Not now. He needed me. When I had finished washing and shaving his face, I moved onto his hands. He flinched at first and pulled them away but then looked at me again gave in, letting me help him. 

I was amazed that he was letting me do this for him. If the tables were turned, I would probably avoid him completely. I guess he was a bigger man than I was. It was my fault that he was there for so long. Mine. 

As soon as I thought it, he turned his head up and looked me dead in the eyes. It seemed his mind-reading powers were still intact.

“You aren’t to blame Dean,” he said softly. 

I sighed and continued to wash his hands, slowly pushing them into the water and rubbed the dried earth from his skin. Cas watched in awe as I worked my hands over his in the darkening water before meeting my eyes. I looked up. We didn’t say anything. We didn’t need to. 

5\. Eat your own damn food.

Later on, when Sam had returned with burgers and French fries, Cas insisted on sneaking a few of my fries. I didn’t say anything. Not only was it adorable, but I knew how hungry he must have been. After a while, I pushed my cardboard plate over to him to finish them off. Sam raised his eyebrows but said nothing. 

“Unbelievable man. Unbelievable. I- I cannot believe that you’re really here.”

“Yeah, I’m not at full power, so I couldn’t connect with you.”

“That must be why you keep seeing him. I mean, you think?”

I shrugged. “Yeah.”

I was still shell shocked. I fought tooth and nail to get outa there. It almost finished me. I had no idea how he could have made it out alive. He said he didn’t know and I was so relieved to see him again that I all but didn’t care. 

6\. These are my clothes. You wear your own. 

His clothes were filthy too and Sam’s clothes would drown him and so I loaned him my dark blue over shirt and a black fitted top along with some of my jeans. I had to admit, the colour blue was a good look on him. It brought out the colour in his sapphire eyes. 

7\. Do not touch my bed. There’s just a line you don’t cross. 

I let him have my bed for the night and I slept on the couch. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. And besides, tomorrow we could get an extra bed put in here or two conjoining rooms. By the time we staggered back to the motel, there was no one on the reception desk. 

8\. Personal space.

All day long, it was like he couldn’t get close enough. He followed me around like a little puppy. Everywhere I went; there he was, right behind me. I had to actually tell him to wait outside when I went to the bathroom I swear to God, he would have followed me straight in. When we walked down to the bar later that night, his arms or leg were brushing against mine the whole night. I kind of liked it, although I’d never admit that to my brother.


	11. Sweet Dreams, Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suggest you listen to Jensen singing 'angeles' whilst reading this chapter. I think it sets the mood pretty well. here's the link if you want to hear it. ^_^
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZ96zb_zwj0

When I next awoke, I didn’t know what the time was but I knew it must be early. I could only just make out the delicate lines and soft stubble of Cas’s face. 

I shifted into a sitting position and pulled him down beside me. He seemed stiff and ridged; like he wasn’t sure what to do. He kept his eyes fixed on his interlocked hands in his now bare lap and said nothing for a long time. 

“What is it?” I asked after a while. “What’s wrong?”

He still wouldn’t look at me. He just kept his eyes cast downward, as if he was almost ashamed. I shuffled closer and waited for him to glance up before talking again. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know how to sleep,” he mumbled under his breath, so quiet I barely heard it. 

I huffed out a relieved laugh. That was all it was? 

I looked up to see him glaring at me with surprising heat for someone that seemed so vulnerable and I almost laughed again but stopped myself. I knew he was exhausted and powered down but that didn't mean he wouldn't attempt to smite me if he wanted to. 

“Alright. Alright, come here,” I said, leaning back against the arm of the sofa and opening my arms in what I hoped was an inviting gesture. 

He just stared blankly at me, his head tilted slightly to the left. He made no attempt to move any closer. “Come on.” I motioned him closer with my hands and he shifted ever so slightly closer, just close enough to be within reach but still not touching.

I could tell he was nervous and I couldn’t blame him. My heart was thudding so loudly in my chest that I felt lightheaded. He had shed the blue button-down and pants before getting into bed and I tried to ignore the effect that his now exposed body had on me. I gently seized both his arms and slowly lowered him down onto my chest. To my surprise, he snuggled his head into the crook of my neck and wrapped his arms around my waist. 

“Close your eyes.”

When he did, I smiled and hesitantly began carding my hands through his hair. It felt soft and feathery light. “Can you feel my heartbeat?” 

He nodded.

“Right, don’t worry about anything else, just my heartbeat and my breathing. Try to get your breaths to match mine. They’re too ragged. When I breathe, you breathe. Got it?”

He didn't answer but I slowly began to feel his breaths drag out and get more steady and even. Before long, his breathing became deeper and I figured he was sleeping. Sam was going to have something to say about it when he woke up but I didn’t care. 

For a while, I just lay there and watched him. I had long since lost all feeling the arm that was supporting his back but I didn’t mind too much. Cas looked beautiful when he slept. So peaceful. It wasn’t often that I got to see him so open and unguarded and I loved it. Soon, my exhaustion took over and I slipped into the first full night I had experienced in who knows how long.


	12. Bed Bug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I am so late updating this fix and I thoroughly apologise. This chapter has hhonestly been a nightmare to write.
> 
> I did a little of it on the computer I was using to update each week at college but didn't get the chance to do a lot so just printed what I had to work on using my kindle or phone. That is pretty slow going as it was as they both have little to no autocorrect and doesn't automatically capitalise specific letters but I was managing. 
> 
> On Tuesday, when I was putting the final finishing touches to it my phone got stolen whilst I was taking my cousin to the toilet. This is its replacement that got delivered today. 
> 
> To make up for the wait, I will start the next chapter tonight despite the fact I've gotta go to college tomorrow morning to see if I can get onto my course. (I failed maths)

After that, it turned into a sort of routine. I would wake up to Castiel's soft hair tickling my nose or him looking over his shoulder with those damn blue eyes, both wrapped up in my thin blanket and his long trenchcoat. Somehow, he had managed to wriggle his way into my bed - and my arms - for the past couple o' weeks.

I convinced myself that it was the only way he had learned to sleep after that first night. He just doesn't know any better, I would tell myself. God knows he doesn't understand human formalities. Hell, the guy wasn't human; far from it, in fact. 

He seemed to be gaining his strength back little-by-little each day but still didn't have his powers, which meant he wasn't going anywhere near a hunt, no matter how hard he protested. 

"I've been graceless before, Dean."

"That was different. You've never been this out before now. You've gotta just learn to take care of yourself, man. You're human now, more or less. If we took you out on a hunt, you'd get your sorry ass handed to you." 

He glared at me, one of those full, heated glares, and I caved a little. 

"Look," I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. "If you get some proper rest and are feeling at least human, I'll consider teaching you to hunt. But only if you swair you'll rest up. Alright?"

"I hunted with you before, Dean. You said I sucked."

I couldn't win. I threw my hands up in defeat.

When I didn't reply, he dropped himself down on the sofa and scouled up at me.

Had I really said that? I told him he sucked? I really had to think a little more before I opened my trap.

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

We were metaphorically trapped.

Hunting was so important.

If we didn't go out there in the pouring rain, fighting monsters and ganking demons, thousands of people would be dead. But Cas... We couldn't leave him alone. Not when he was still so weak and clueless - not to mentioned freaking stubborn.

I'm willing to bet that the moment we left him alone, he'd be out that door like a shot, trying - and failing - to materialise someplace or using up the rest of his energy firing guns at beer bottles, empty cans and whatever the hell else he could get his hands on. 

No. I had to stay with him. Sam however, was free to go off and do our job whilst Cas and I worked from the sidelines.

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

I heard a flushing sound then the angel emerged from the cramped bathroom with ruffled black hair and droopy eyelids, looking utterly miserable.

When he caught me looking, his expression softened. I couldn't help it. I smiled back.

"Is it customary for humans to urinate quite so often? Three times... I believe my vessel has developed a fault."

I huffed out a laugh.

"Still down on angel juice, huh?"

He sighed in reply and stepped closer to the sofa where I still lay.

"I miss my grace. I miss my wings," he said, his eyes cast downward. Apparently he didn't see anything wrong with being three feet away from my face in only a pair of white boxers and a tight under shirt. 

I swallowed and sat up, not meeting his eyes. 

"Don't worry. We'll figure something out." 

I stood up and busied myself with the coffee machine, still not looking at Cas. What did you say to the guy you spent the night with? That was hard at the best of times, but Cas? So much worse. With him, it actually meant something. To me, at least. 

The smell was strong enough to wake the dead. Or in this case, a grumpy 6"4 moose. He padded through to the kitchenette and greeted us both with a sleepy nod of the head.

By the time he was fully caffeinated, conversion turned to finding a new case. Although I was anxious to get out there again, and by hunting I mean any excuse to stop Cas staring at me with an unreadable look in his eyes, I knew he wasn't right. At least not right enough of killing some sons of bitches in horrible conditions. He could barely keep vertical. 

We had to find something, someone, that could go in my place.

A few hours later, I called in a favour from someone we hadn't seen in years and he agreed to get down here as soon as he could. 

Logan and I had met years ago on a hunt in Manhattan. Sam was off at college and it had been the first time going in it alone. It was a standard cursed object case. Or it should have been. Things turned nasty and if he hadn't been around, I'd be a big pile of mince meat. We'd kept in contact and he was the first number I'd call if I was ever in need of an extra hand or just somewhere to go when everything got too much. 

He was funny, good to talk to, and I could always count on him when I needed to. I trusted him with my life. 

That time that dad had up and left without a word for three whole weeks was the last time I had seen him in person. At first we text and called every few days but I had Sammy to worry about again. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. After a while, we had simply lost touch all together.


	13. The New Recruit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. It's been months since my last update and I'm sorry. I'm working 10 hours a day every weekday and I'm busy most weekends. Its my mum's wedding day next Saturday so the last few months have been filled with dress fittings, planning and hours upon hours spent at the hairdressers trying to figure out what we're all going to look like on the day. Once it's passed, I will hopefully get back onto a regular schedule again but I'm not going to make any promises. It will definitely be a lot more regular than it has been lately though and i apologise for taking such a long time. I love you all and hope you all enjoy reading and won't give up on me. Xxx

At 10:45 the next morning, an old blue pick-up pulled into the parking lot then came a knock at the door.

I opened it and was immediately pulled into a bear hug, his thick hairy arms pulling me close, almost smothering me in his muscled shoulder. I felt the clank of what could only be bear bottles banging against my back.

I'd forgotten about that. He was a hugger.

Once he released me, I stepped back and ushered him inside with a big grin. He dumped the bag on the counter then turned his ever-present grin back to me.

"Logan! Good to see you, man. This is-"

"Sammy! Good to see ya buddy! Wow, you got big."

Despite my best intentions, the two never met up. The only knowledge they had of one another was through me. Sam shot me a questioning look but accepted his hug all the same. Not that he had much of a choice. 

They pulled away and Logan bounded up to Cas.

I introduced him and he raised an eyebrow at us that I ignored.

“Picked a good’en there, Dean-o. He sure is pretty.”

I ignored both his comment and Cas’s questioning glance, grappling for any conversation change. 

In our time, he had loved to tease me about the different guys we came across in hunts or even on the streets.

One night, my dad had just gotten too much for me and I needed to blow off some steam. He and I trudged down to the night club and he watched as I drank him under the table before getting hit on by these two guys. In my drunken haze, I hadn't paid much mind and let them carry on with their shameless flirting as long as they kept the drinks flowing. 

He'd never dropped it since.

I guess, in hindsight, he was probably right but it didn't mean I was going to tell him that.

Once we all got settled with a bottle of beer, we sat at the small table and talked and talked. We talked about our lives, what we'd done and he people we were now. Logan had all but given up the life all together. He was known as the guy to call if anything supernatural cropped up in his area but he had more important things to focus on now. He had a wife and little girl to take care of. Although he didn't say it, I could see he'd never be the same man he was before this all started.

Things like that don't just up and leave you. When you experience something so horrible, the memories are always there at the back of your mind, waiting to rear their ugly head.

He and his best friend had gone out on a hike. They set up camp for the night and around three hours later, a werewolf came for them. Somehow Logan had managed to escape with his life but not before he saw the poor bastard's heart being ripped out of his chest.

About ten minutes in, Cas was thrown into a coughing fit, gagging and wheezing. I excused myself and helped him over to the bed and propped his head up on a stack of pillows to try to open up his airways.

This was getting ridiculous. If he didn't get better soon, I had half a mind to take him to see someone with real medical training. Sam had been saying this for a while but there were a few problems that stood in our way.

Cas didn't exists. At least not in the eyes of the law. He had no birth certificate, no social security number. Not even a damn last name.

There was no telling that they could even diagnose him even if we could get him in. It clearly had something to do with his grace failing but I couldn't be sure that wasn't some extra side effect to a common cold or if it was something more dangerous; something life threatening.

When the coughing subsided, I helped him sit up and rubbed his back. I didn't know what I was doing but it seemed to help in the past so I carried on.

He insisted that he was fine so I let him come back to the table.

"You alright, Cas? Dean told me I'd be filling in for ya but he didn't specify why you were out of the game."

Cas looked at me.

We had made the decision not to reveal what he was over the phone. I trusted Logan back in the day but folks can’t be too careful these days. It’d been years since we’d been in touch. He could be up to anything now.

There once was a time when angels struck awe and fear into the hearts of man. Now they’re seen as either the figment of a gullible old coot’s imagination a challenge for any hunter to prove themselves worthy. Some of the more serious hunters out there like to collect trophies of each hunt: a fang here, a tuft of fur there; some find a pair of big old angel wings are the best way of showing their unquestionable gift. We’d seen it a few times growing up but the craze was apparently catching on.

"We don't uh - we don't know what's wrong with me. My symptoms are inconclusive.”

“It’s – Cas, its ok. We can trust him.”

He studied me for a second before turning back to my brother and old friend.

“I’m an angel of the Lord.”

“Right. And I’m Shirley Bassey. Come on Dean, you can’t kid a kidder. You know that. Look, if you don’t wanna tell me then just don’t. You don’t have to come up with some wild story to get me off your Case. It’s cool, Cas. Really. Angel of the Lord my ass!”

“It’s not just a story, I assure you,” Cas said seriously.

“Whatever man. If you and Dean want a little alone time, all you gotta do is ask.”

He chanced a grin at me and I tuck a short swig of beer and planted it back on the table with a thunk. I could feel the heat rising in my face and the back of my neck. Cas was looking at me, I could feel it. My discomfort only encouraged him as his smirk grew. 

“What do you mean ‘alone time’? I fail to see how anything that Dean and I do would need the privacy you suggested. Dean? Dean, why is he laughing? Dean? What’s going on?”  
“Cas just… It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about it.” 

Logan chuckled, shaking his head and I suddenly had to repress the strong urge to sock him in the jaw. 

Cas didn’t say anything more but I could tell he wouldn’t let this go. He’d probably ask again before the night was out, especially if Logan kept this up. 

Sam mercifully stepped up to the plate and saved me from more embarrassment. “So Logan, how old is little Alexandra now? She’s gotta be about school age now hasn’t she?”

“Nah, not yet Sammo. Got a few months till kindergarten before then. Not long now though. Not long…” 

This turned out to be the best distraction tactic in creation. Once you get him on the topic of his little girl, there’s no stopping him. From that moment on, we heard nothing but touching anecdotes and funny stories about ‘daddies little princess’ for the rest of the night. He doted on that kid. 

It was like we’d never been apart. Everything was exactly as it was before. I was amazed at just how well he Sam and Cas gelled together.


End file.
